Wow! After sharing last week about our first ever No Spend January & February, so many of you responded in an overwhelmingly positive and awesome way!!! After being inundated with so many questions and comments, and show of hands of “been there!”…”done that!”…”still there!”…it’s apparent that so many of us are or have been in similar boats. And of course I’m no financial expert! I’m just a mom, a wife, a human, who, like most of you, is striving for a balanced, healthy, joyful life. And in the words of Francine Jay, “My goal is no longer to get more done, but rather to have less to do!”. My hope for this series and these posts is to reassure most of you, cheer you on, and prove that financial health is an ever evolving journey. So whether you happen to be 5 steps behind me in the process, or 5 steps ahead, know that you’re not alone and you too can make better and healthier choices for yourself, your family and your finances!
All that to say, so many reached out sharing their own personal struggles or successes. And a lot of you sent in questions about my own personal process. Below are the questions and inquiries I got the most of…feel free to keep the conversation going by commenting below! And should you have more questions please email me at michelle@ironandtwine.com or DM my instagram handle @michellecannonsmith
Q: “Why A No Spend Month?” and "What Benefits Have You Noticed So Far?
After sharing on Instagram, so many of your reached out asking “why a no spend month” and “what benefits have I noticed so far”. I covered some of that in my first post, which you can read here. And because I’m now two-weeks into no spend, thought I could share my insights thus far.
I think what a no spend month can give you greatly…even more than the money you save…is financial self -awareness. Like I shared in my original post, shopping and buying out of convenience is a real thing, and one that has been costing me and my family greatly. Sometimes, it’s worth the added expense of convenient buys…but a lot of times, and what I have learned the hard way, is it starts to add up to REAL quick without even realizing it. Hello Ostrich-birding! (essentially Brian and I’s philosophy when you put your head in the sand). What I’ve learned is that when you restrict your spending…i.e. a no spend month…you very quickly can see where that money has been going, along with what bad habits you’ve acquired. And if you’re like me, those bad habits equate to “convenience buys”.
In the world of the internet, social media and swipe up features, we’re inundated with marketing and “convenient” purchases. Which, honestly, I think can be great! Someone introduces you to a new skin care line, swipe up, buy…GREAT! A fashion blogger shares with you an amazing affordable dress on Amazon…swipe up, buy…GREAT! And these conveniences can and should be a benefit! Look, you just had a personal shopper, who you didn’t pay for, save you money by introducing you to a great new item or product! That’s great and can save you money. BUT, and the real question I’ve had to ask myself is “have I budgeted for that item?”. Where do the funds come from to pay for that item? If you’ve got a “clothing budget” and it’s pulled from there, great, you’re keeping track and you’re sticking to a budget! The problem isn’t always the purchases made from convenience , but rather our ability to manage them!
For example : how many times have I gone into Target for one small item, only to be met with a $150 bill at the register. Had I budgeted for that? No. Had I planned for that? No. Was I lucky enough to pay for that? Thankfully, yes (but I can attest to many times in my past where unexpected purchases were put onto credit cards ~ so if that’s you now, I see you, I get it, and like me, you too can get to a better place). It’s those expenses on a regular basis that can KILL your budget, your life and the things that are really important for you, your family, your present and your future.
The other thing I like about a No Spend Month is the flexibility. YOU can decide what month/timeline works best for you. A month that works best for me, may not be best for you.
I loved reading all of your own timelines for this. One of you shared "“I do a No Spend November and it’s so nice…we go into the holidays with a little extra cash flow so if I’m not done with Christmas shopping I do it then and it also gives us a little to splurge on after Christmas sales. It also keeps be away from Black Friday!!!” And someone else shared “I heard someone recently talking about having a week every month for "no spend" that might work a little better with kids”. Essentially, there’s no hard and fast rules for when and how long you do this. And I also think it’s imperative, and motivating to give yourself a goal for a No Spend Challenge. Example…the money I’m saving is going to pay off that Christmas Credit Card Debt….or….the money we save is going towards a beach vacation….or half we save and half we splurge….etc. Make it a fun challenge, otherwise you’ll quit before you start.
Q : Is a No Spend Month The Answer To All My Budgeting Woes?
First you have to ask yourself “why a no-spend month?’. Is it simply that you’re needing better self-awareness as to ‘where the money is going”. Or are you in a financial crisis (credit card debt, trouble paying bills, living pay check to pay check, going over budget consistently, etc)?
In my opinion, a No Spend month is an amazing tool to re-set and re-evaluate your current finances. It’s an amazing way to stop and inventory where your money is going. And where you need to re-adjust your budget and what items you may need to add or remove. Essentially, it’s a great way to evolve your budget and consciously make better choices to where and how you spend your money.
Now, if you’re in a financial crisis (and in the past 15 years, I’ve been there multiple times is varying degrees…I see you and I get this!) and if you don’t have a budget, simply having a no spend month isn’t going to fix a foundation that isn’t already there. Make sense? So, if this is you, I’d suggest, yes, take on the No Spend Month if you want, but more importantly commit to taking the time to build a budget, counting and budgeting for every dollar.
Q: This might sound like a dumb question, but where did you start when you went over your finances? It's been on my to-do list for awhile, but it seems like such a mountain! I feel like we could save a lot more but hammering out a budget feels intimidating! Any tips or resources you used while you went over yours?
First of all, never any dumb questions here! And secondly, congratulations! You’ve pulled your head out of the sand (I speak from personal ostrich-birding experience) and you’ve done the hardest first step by recognizing that you need a budget. And you’re completely justified in feeling overwhelmed and intimidated by the process!
Ok, here’s the thing with budgets. There are a million different ways to do it. There are many “financial gurus” out there. Some who know what they’re doing, some who don’t. There are apps and programs that “track” and do the budgeting for you. There are financial advisers you can hire…and programs you can sign up for. ALL of this can become overwhelming and shut anyone down! The thing with a budget, is like us, they’re all unique. Your income, your expenses, the way you choose to spend your discretionary money (and by discretionary, I mean the fun/extra money). So, in wanting to keep my budget as simple as possible, here’s what works for us time and time again:
I can’t stress enough how much I love Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace Planner!
My dad first gave me this book when I was in college, got myself in horrible credit card debt and became the poster child for living beyond my means. Later, this same book became so valuable, especially during our first year of marriage. Went through it together, came up with our plan, and used Dave Ramsey’s envelope system religiously to live within our means. During our first few years of marriage our household grocery & toiletry budget was $50 a week…we shared one car between the two of us…went without cable and other modern “conveniences”. We were able to buy a house and plan for our future all because of Dave’s book. Anytime we have a change of lifestyle (new job, change in income, new baby, etc) we go back to referencing this book. And while not all his principles apply for us…the basics of it allows us to build a very healthy, simple and practical foundation for our budget! If you’re looking for a place to start, I highly recommend you consider this.
Q: Thanks so much for posting about your no spend Jan & Feb. I can TOTALLY relate with your ostrich theory! We have always been careful with budgets, but it still always seems to be "where did all the money go?! With babies and husband in seminary this year more than ever I'm cracking down on our budget. Your post was great. My question though for you is what do you plan to do about gifts? Just in the past week we have been invited to 3 birthday parties and a wedding!!! If I'm not careful, we will spend all our budget on gifts! Help! Thoughts?
Hands down the number one question I got this past week has been around GIFTING! Gifting in general and gifting during a No Spend Month! And I get it! It’s a complicated one to navigate!
Here’s my short answer to the question above…if you’re looking for more of my thoughts and insight, then you’re in luck…the long-winded soap box version is below!
For us personally, part of our overall budget also includes a budget for gifts. And in that budget it’s very specific…amount for Christmas presents (per person)…amount for teacher gifts in a given year (even specific to how many teachers and how much each). I also have a budget for those unexpected invites/weddings/gifts that can come up. I share more below how to go about organizing this. So, for us, we’ve already allotted and budgeted our gifting budget for the year (we actually take out our gifting budget each month in cash and use the envelope system to save and track it). So, for us during No-Spend I decided that gifting wouldn’t be taken completely off the table…analyzed YES. For example…a niece and nephew have birthdays during our no spend…I’m not going to “punish” them just because I’ve chosen a “No-spend” month. So while I will spend money and buy them gifts…it’s money that’s already been spent since it’s cash we already have saved up. Make sense? Also, because I gave myself the rule of no entering any stores…I’ll purchase these online, without buying anything else and without spending more than the budget I allotted. Typically what I would do is run to the store for said birthday gift only to leave with a plethora of unneeded and un-budgeted items. Now, on that same birthday note…Brian and I both have birthdays during no spend. We have a budget and money saved…but we decided together that we want to keep our birthdays as part of no spend and put that money we have saved to something else. Make sense? Now will we still celebrate our birthdays…absolutely! You better believe I’m counting on that grocery store confetti cake mix!!! And fingers crossed I get those hand-drawn birthday cards from my kids. Better than money can buy! So, I think when doing a No Spend, you have to ask yourself what’s best for you. And if it’s already budgeted for, then in most cases gifting during no-spend is probably the right thing to do.
Now, if you haven’t budgeted for gifts, then absolutely, gifting can set your budget back, or easily you can find yourself in a position where you’ve blown your whole budget on gifting. (I’ve been there! And I get it!). My very long winded version below addresses some of this.
What you’ve all been waiting for…my long-winded soap box thoughts on gifting and your budget!
Gifting, like any other expense needs to be planned for in your budget. And everyone’s income, budget, social circles and family dynamics can greatly differ and therefore change or impact how we prioritize the gifting in our life…simply put…gifting is complicated. And there’s no one size fits all answer. That said, I do have some strong opinions on the gifting front…and I’ve listed it allllllll below. Now, it won’t apply to each scenario, or individual situation, but I hope it hits home for some of you who reached out personally sharing your own situation, and hopefully if nothing else will help encourage you to answer the hard questions for yourself, for your budget and ultimately, empower you to be proud and confident in the choices you make. You can still be a generous individual (by saying no) and while still prioritizing yourself, your family, and your financial health.
First things first you need to recognize the type of gifting that is part of your life. For most of us, there are three major types:
Gifts that are needed
Gifts that we feel obligated to give
Gifts that we give for our own benefit
From there you need to recognize (and probably write down) everyone and every possible scenario where you are gifting throughout the year - it’s easiest if you organize it by month. I’ll include everything from birthdays…to teacher gifts (how many people and how often…Back to school, Christmas, last day of school, etc)…valentine’s day cards for kid’s classes…mother’s and father’s day (and all the people we gift during this time)…Easter baskets for the kids…Christmas presents and everyone we include (nuclear family, extended family, mail-carrier, neighbors, etc). Essentially, take the time to write down allllllllllll the things. Trust me you’ll be shocked to see it all in front of you. Also be sure to include a couple MISC categories, a place for those unexpected or last minute things. And be sure to include things like Birthday Party Invites and Weddings, etc.
Once you’ve got it all written down. Prioritize them or label them by necessity (are they needed, obligated or given for your own benefit). And also, start putting a budget next to each one. Example : For Grandma at Mother’s Day we typically send her flowers : $50 …etc.
Then add up that initial budget. Can you afford it? Does it work with the rest of your budget? Have you passed out in shock?
Alternatively, you can set your overall gifting budget, then start allotting it accordingly - going by priority.
Here’s the thing. Most of you will be SHOCKED at how much you spend gifting (and if you’re not shocked, either you already have a budget, and maybe you just need to put that budget to paper, or you’re stingy…and having a budget and being stingy are two totally different things!) Gifting is important. But gifting also needs to work realistically in your budget…and I say this to the over-generous lot of you. And if you happen to be someone who’s love language is gifting…this post is especially for YOU!
Once you’ve given yourself your budget and if you feel like things aren’t fitting…you now need to start asking yourself the hard questions.
Being generous is an amazing thing! But if your generosity is being funded through credit cards, additional debt, or money you frankly just don’t have…then it’s not really generosity. You’re pouring from an empty cup, and taking funds from a place that really aren’t yours. This is classic ostrich-birding. And the real question you have to ask yourself is…can we realistically not afford this…or are we being poor managers of budgeting for this?
If you’re having a hard time paying your bills, or putting food on the table, then you are not in a position to be over-generous with your funds. And that’s ok, there are more than enough other ways to give…your time being one of the most valuable! Also, gifts don’t always have to be high value. Years ago (before I myself realized the value when someone politely asks for no gifts on an invite)…a friend brought her child to my kid’s birthday party…she (unnecessarily) apologized a lot for the “dollar store gift” and said that “they just weren’t in a position to give a lot this year”. Well low and behold that “dollar store silly putty” turned out to be the FAVORITE present that year!!!!!! And while I don’t think my friend (or anyone) needs to feel obligated to share their circumstances…I do think it’s empowering to share with those close to you. Her opening up led me to understand why she always declined girl lunches out…from then on, coffee at someone’s house was always way more fun anyways. Here’s the real take-away…if it’s a real friend, or a healthy relationship, then the price shouldn’t matter. The thought is what matter’s most!
Now, if you happen to be fortunate enough to have gotten to a comfortable financial place, but are still asking “where is all the money going?!”…you too need to hone in on better ways to budget for the gifting in your life. But you also need to ask yourself the hard questions of priorities in your life.
Let’s use the birthday parties as an example:
I think birthday parties are great! I also know that if my twins were invited to everyone’s birthday party from their class, and my twins each brought a $15 gift…that’s $450 a year I would need to budget for. And in addition to money, that would also be a commitment in time (using up almost a third of the Saturdays in a year). So, in my specific situation, I would need to decide if this is a priority for us as a family. For some of you, this is a priority…for other's not as much. If the attending of the parties is the priority, but the budget doesn’t work, then maybe the goal is adjusting the allotted budget. ETC. You get the gist. You’ve got to find a formula that works for you. Now, luckily, we’re in a community and social circles that have a lot of same sentiments. For one, not everyone hosts birthday parties and the majority of the ones we are invited to politely decline gifts on the invite or ask that a donation be made to an organization etc. Last year, someone requested we bring a reading book to be donated to a school in need. AND I LOVE this…I also understand that not all social circles are like this.
So, when it comes to birthday party’s in general…I do think they’re important. And I do think it’s important that your children learn the value of gifting and thoughtfully giving. There’s a lesson to be learned by teaching our kids (and ourselves) the value of showing up and being there for the ones we love. So, I personally don’t believe that vowing off all party invites is a realistic option. But I also think it’s equally important that you also teach your children the value of staying within your budget.
Now, for a complicated, often times, uncomfortable discussion. I can’t tell you how many times, from a friend, family member or client, that I have heard…"Ugh! I have this thing I don’t want to go to at all (birthday, wedding, etc).” Typically it’s then followed by trashing on the person, the event…whatever. From my side it’s obvious this isn’t a healthy relationship, or a friendship of value. But when you’re living a life led by obligations and other’s needs (typically manipulated through guilt or motivated by low self esteem)…when other’s needs overshadow your own needs, it’s hard to see the situation for what it is. This are gifts (of our time and/or money) of obligation. I’ve lived on both sides of this, so I get it. This can take on all kinds of shapes and scenarios…so here’s one example:
We spend so much money on what we feel like society norms are…we also are in a culture of “keeping up with the Jones”.
If you happen to be in a social circle where it’s all about “keeping up with Jones’” (I’ve been there in the past and get it)…if you’re feeling “obligated” to spend a certain amount on gifts that is above your means, or you feel “pressure” to attend a party /wedding/event/vacation that you don’t feel is a healthy benefit for you (or your child) or your budget…then don’t go! YUP! I’m saying it here! I think one thing majorly facing most of you…is an inability to say NO.
I’m going to say that again.
I think one thing majorly facing most of you... is an inability to say NO.
And an inability to stick up for yourself and your own priorities.
For a little two letter word…N-O…it can cause a lot of anguish and grief in one’s life. And often times the fear or the fear of the repercussions in saying it, often triumph over your ability, need or want to say it . Whether because we don’t want to hurt feelings, or we don’t want the conflict or because we don’t have enough confidence to choose our own needs over someone else’s.
Now, I don’t want this to get twisted. I’m not saying you need to decline anything that you don’t want to do. Truth be told, there are a lot of things we don’t want to do, but need to do. #Adulting. But I also think for a lot of people there a lot of things done (gifts bought for people, events attended, holidays, trips, time and money spent), that aren’t needed to be. And I strongly believe there are always courteous and gracious ways to say no thank you and decline some of those invites…even if those invites at times feel like a demand.
Example…you haven’t taken a personal vacation in a long time…boom, wedding invite from your old co-worker or from an extended family member you haven’t talked to in years comes in the mail. Wedding + Destination = $$$$. Here’s the thing…you have two choices…go to the wedding and forego a personal vacation. Or forego the wedding and go on a personal vacation.
I think some of you are needing the permission to say no to that wedding and yes to yourself.
And this is me…giving you that permission!
For a lot of you, I think it’s important that you start making decisions and priorities based on what is best for you and your family and I’m here, right now, to give you permission to stop feeling bad or obligated to apologize for making those tough decisions.
I’m also here to tell you, making your health, your financial health and the well-being of your family a priority…is NOT a selfish decision!!
Life is short…and in one year…five years…twenty years…what’s going to be more important and remembered most?
GEEZ…this got real soap boxy…real fast!
Here’s the thing with gifting…make a realistic budget and stick to it. Don’t break your own budget just to be “accommodating” or to not “hurt feelings”. Stop going in debt, or putting off your own financial dreams for the benefit of other’s . K? K.
LOVE to all of you! And happy budgeting!